


with only the stars to hear me

by AnxietyAvocado



Series: from dusk til dawn, i'll stay with you [2]
Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2019)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, and wants comfort but can't get it, but then he is like Super Serious and Very Honest, dies over all the angst tbh, look kyo can be an overdramatic asshole sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:48:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxietyAvocado/pseuds/AnxietyAvocado
Summary: kyo's got a bad habit of talking to tohru while she's asleep. and sometimes that means breaking and entering. but is it really breaking and entering if you live there too?
Relationships: Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou
Series: from dusk til dawn, i'll stay with you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727083
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	with only the stars to hear me

"No one likes to talk about it, but I'm not stupid. I know what's going to happen after graduation

And that's even if I make it that far. I don't think I'll live long enough to see graduation. I don't think I want to, actually. Everyone else has stuff going for them, even that damn Rat. They all have people who care for them and things they want to do in life... if Akito will ever let them go. And even if he doesn't, at least they get to live. They get to have freedom. To see the sunshine or the snow. Hell, even the rain. You know what's waiting for me?" Kyo looked over at Tohru's sleeping form from where he was sitting at her desk. She was curled up beneath a quilt that was frankly disgusting shade of pink. She could sleep through almost anything, he had discovered these past few days. She hadn't even woken up that time that he had come in through her window and nearly tripped when his foot was caught on the frame. (That was entirely out of character for him, Kyo knew, but he blamed it on being extremely careful and not eating dinner that night because Tohru had been at work and Yuki had tried to cook and it was an absolute disaster. The kitchen still smelled like burnt carrots.) 

Clumsy moment aside, it was comforting being in here. Even asleep, Tohru was a comforting presence, and Kyo didn't feel too badly about taking advantage of it. After all, what was the harm other than to his own mental health? Sure, he felt good when he was able to say out loud what he kept bottled up inside, but he also wanted her to _hear him_. He wanted someone to tell... Something. He didn't know. Something other than what his own harsh inner voice threw back at those insecurities. _What do you think you're complaining about? You think you're miserable now? Wait until you're in the Cat's Room. You're such a selfish asshole, doing this to her. You're going to give her nightmares with all the bullshit that you're spewing, even if she can't hear you right now. What are you going to do about any of this anyway? There's no point in talking about it. You can't fix it, you worthless piece of trash._

Well, worthless or not, Kyo was still here. In her room. At two in the morning. Talking - well, whispering, while she slept, completely unaware that Kyo was only feet away from her and spilling his guts in a way that would probably make her cry. It would definitely make her cry, he amended. The thought made his insides twist with guilt, and not for the first time Kyo resolved that this would be the last time and that he wouldn't do this again. He couldn't stand the idea of hurting her any more than he usually did anyway.

"You know what's waiting for me?" he asked again, his whisper coming out strangled as his throat tightened and nearly caught his words before they could escape. "Of course you don't. If I don't beat Yuki in something, anything at all, by the time we graduate, I'll be locked up like the monster I am. And now's probably when you would go telling me that I'm not a monster, and that I'm still a person and blah blah blah.. But you don't _know_. You'll never understand. If I don't beat him, I'm screwed. I'll spend the rest of my life in a cell, in a rotting house, locked up like some circus _freak_ for people to whisper about and for Akito to torture whenever he feels bored. That's what happens to the Cat. To every Cat. It's some kind of punishment for us because the first Cat actually had the guts to disagree with God or something, so now we get the short end of the stick. 

And if I don't make it that far in life, I would be okay. It's probably better that way. Then I won't have to be tortured by what it felt like to be on the outside and away from that hellhole. I'd just be... dead. Maybe it would finally be peaceful. Maybe there would be someone there who wouldn't hate me, just for existing, you know?"

Maybe she did know, he mused, because it was impossible for Tohru to hate anyone. That was one of the things that was so damned charming about her, the idiot. No one could hate her, and no one could be jealous of her, and no one could ever do anything mean to her because she was just that person that was somehow genetically fucking nice to everyone, and Kyo didn't understand it. He didn't want to understand it, because if he tried then he would probably hate the rest of the world a little less and himself a little bit more, and that was more self-hatred than he could probably manage for the rest of his miserable life... no matter how long. 

He leaned back against the desk, content to just... watch her. How would he ever be able to sleep again when it was so much more peaceful here than in his own room? His room was full of nightmares and restless tossing and turning - this was paradise by comparison. Watching Tohru sleep, the quilt rising and falling rhythmically with her breaths, was mesmerizing. And not in the way that Shigure would give him hell for if the man ever found out. He wasn't thinking about... _that_. Not that he never thought about it - he was a teenager after all, he wasn't a corpse. But somehow, it seemed sacrilegious to think about those things here, or about her when she wouldn't even understand half of the things that could run through a guy's mind. 

No, this was different. This was like being able to breathe again after the rain left. Or like how his lungs burned during a run, or how it felt to finally get rid of that damn uniform when he got home. It was freeing. Peaceful. Calm. 

It was everything that he wasn't. 

If he did live past graduation, this was one of the things he wanted to remember. Kyo wanted to remember what it would feel like in this dark room, while he was stuck in another, talking to someone who would never judge him, who wouldn't tell him that he was being stupid or selfish. 

As carefully as he could, Kyo stood up, pushing the chair back into the desk where it had been when he came in. Standing at the foot of the bed, he studied Tohru carefully. Was she happy in her dreams? Was Kyoko there? He hoped so. After a few moments, he crossed to the window and pulled himself through it, closing it until it was only cracked open. 

If he had stayed a few minutes longer, he would have heard Tohru whisper his name as she rolled over - a sad, desperate whisper that sounded more like a whimper than anything else as she struggled against whatever unpleasantness her dream held that night. 

"Kyo... Home. I just want us to _go home._ "


End file.
